My Widow's Journey
What Does Your Widow's Journey Look Like?
April 21 is almost here. I'm coming up on my 4th year as a widow. My husband, Angel was a wonderful man. Our 32 year marriage was really great for many years.
Angel was supportive and loving and we had a wonderful time together. But the last 10 years were the worst. Family, health and financial issues divided us and resentment distanced us.
My unresolved issues with trust and unwillingness to rock the boat by having hard conversations made me push my husband away. I was insanely insecure and jealous.
I can't change the past and I'll always regret the way we parted by arguing about stupid moving boxes. But I can prevent doing harm to myself by rushing into another relationship.
I would like to meet another wonderful man some day. But I'm not ready. What I learned is that I need to work on loving myself more.
That looks like me being more honest, and open, stepping outside my comfort, standing in my truth willing to risk discomfort or rejection by saying what's on my mind. I'm grateful that I had so many blessings during my marriage with Angel.
One of the first examples of stepping outside my comfort zone was learning how to drive a pick up truck, after Angel died, the day my son and I moved to our new apartment. I was so scared and anxious, but I set aside my fears and did a bit of stress-relief tapping to calm me down. Here’s that post if you missed it. Since then I rent pick up trucks all the time and it’s no big deal. Bravery is a big part of being a widow. Don’t you agree?
What does your widow’s journey look like?